Did you ever have any regulars? What do you think about dancer drinks?

Two slimy middle aged brothers used to come in every weekend coked out of their minds, and unfortunately, they took a liking to me. They'd follow me around the club, and like an idiot I'd engage them in a conversation because I wanted to figure out their story. One was a stocky, beady-eyed insurance broker from the Valley, and the other looked like Al Pacino in "Cruising", with a leather vest sans shirt and everything. They'd obviously been frequenting the club for years, because they knew all of the bartenders and most of the strippers well. After awhile, they really started to get on my nerves so I would hide in the dressing room when I saw them walk in. Once they invited me back to their condo (they lived together, ick), and I realized how much they reminded me of Kenneth Bianchi and Angelo Buono. They probably had a pile of dead hookers in a public storage somewhere in Van Nuys.

We didn't have a dancer drink system at our club, but I'm familiar with the routine. A few years ago I went out to a total dive strip club on the East Coast, and was totally conned by one of the older dancers that worked there. My friends and I were pretty trashed by the time we sat down at the bar, and she took a seat next to me and started telling me about her husband's upcoming parole hearing. Ten minutes later, she was pouring me a glass of champagne, which at the time I thought, "Aw, this nice old lady is buying me a drink". Then she hands me a bill for a $25 bottle service. I really chewed her out for it, but of course, she didn't give a shit. Later I watched her beg a patron for a dollar while she was onstage. Needless to say, she was way too old to be taking her clothes off for a living.

Did you ever notice that more effort equaled more tips?

More effort usually equals more tips. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls make next to nothing during a stage dance because they looked like they were totally bored. The crowds are always suckers for pole tricks. The more thought put into a routine equals a massive amount of tips.

The less talented/motivated dancers will usually find another club to work in - especially if their co-workers put a lot of time and energy into their routines. There are lots of clubs that will hire the dregs of the stripping world.

I never learned any pole tricks. I'm still in awe when I see them now.

Did you notice a trend in girls either not being able to drive?

The whole inability to drive was definitely common at the club I worked at. Most of the girls were irresponsible with their money. They'd spend a week's income on a handbag and a new wardrobe, and would struggle to make their rent that month. Many of them had DUI's, so their licenses were suspended. I think I was one of a few who could drive legally.

You mentioned something earlier about woman haters. Can you elaborate, and did you see that sort of thing a lot?

Oh yeah, the women haters were always a treat. There's nothing more unsettling than looking into some dude's eyes and seeing no emotion whatsoever. Most of them were rage cases who were thrown out pretty quickly. Since I spent most of my time in between songs at the bar, I had conversations with many guys about their mothers. It would almost always come up randomly, and their aggression was always obvious. Unless you're a random guy out with his friends for the night (or even alone, drunk once in awhile), it's safe to assume most of the regulars have some serious issues with women. I know this sounds totally off the wall, but I think I may have actually prevented some of the customers I spoke with from doing some serious damage to a woman later that night. Some of them just need someone to listen to them.

What was your view on the customers?

Before I worked as a stripper, I knew that all strip clubs had an unsavory customer or two, so it never shocked me when I ran into a total creep. I guess I was always blown away by how many regulars there were. Some guys would come in every night for weeks, and blow hundreds of dollars on lap dances. I suppose a common argument would be, why not save your money and stay home and jerk off? I think part of the appeal for many of the repeat customers was the female companionship and the degradation of the girls. There's also obviously an element of excitement. Some of them were simply voyeuristic, and enjoyed watching other guys get lap dances.

Now that I no longer strip, visiting a strip club is always a little odd. I know what kind of shit the girls put up with so my empathy level always rises. Some people like to call strippers lazy, but honestly, it's a really difficult job even when you're ingesting whatever booze/drugs you can to numb yourself.

What were the bouncers like?

We had three bouncers. One was an ecstasy/coke dealer who conducted most of his business in front of the club, which is pretty fucking stupid in my opinion. You're essentially asking for a rotten element to show up at your club and start trouble. The other two were brothers from the Ukraine with limited social skills and biceps the size of my torso. Though they could totally beat you into a pulp, their reflex time was a little slow so you generally had to pester them a few times to get anyone thrown out.

Did you ever work-out a scam to get these dopes to handover more cash?

I never ran any scams, but many of the girls I worked with did. One popular routine involved opening up to a customer about whatever fake problems they were having at the time; (Car was impounded, kicked out of apartment, etc.), and forcing a few tears. Some of the customers would fall prey to it, and eventually pay for twice as many lap dances and drinks, or just hand them cash to help out. I think some of the guys who frequented the club and had their favorite girls probably viewed themselves as gallant knights "saving" these girls from hardship. Little did they know, at the end of the night they'd be cackling like witches about how much money they'd conned that night. It was pretty disgusting.

What percentage of girls claimed to enjoy being a stripper and how many actually do?

I imagine many girls who strip for a living feel the need to justify their decision. It sounds like your ex feels a bit self-conscious about her job. The girls I worked with seemed to all have issues with their self esteem, which obviously led to doing massive quantities of drugs as well. I've thought a lot about the reasons I chose to infiltrate the industry, and I also don't necessarily have the greatest self image, which is weird. You'd think narcissism would go hand in hand with taking your clothes off in front of strangers.

How was the dressing room at the strip club you were at?

The dressing room was pretty lackluster. A vanity counter ran along one side of the room. Light bulbs were busted, and never replaced. The opposite wall was covered with about a dozen lockers, which were only used by the veteran strippers. On my first day I put my bag into one of the lockers, and one of the older strippers went ballistic. After that, I stuffed everything behind a lounge chair and hoped none of the psychos I worked with would rip me off. There were never enough mirrors or couches to relax. The dressing room was always chaotic, and I tried to avoid it.

The owner was an old Italian with a toupee. When he first opened the club, I'm sure he was boning every new girl who walked in. While I was there, I rarely saw him. I'm pretty sure now that he was running something in the back of the club. I don't know if it was drugs or gambling, but by the time I arrived he had obviously stopped caring about the front of the house a long time ago. A few of the girls I worked with would take breaks in his office, but I'm pretty sure they were just doing lines.

Management never discussed pubic hair length with us. I did watch a girl give herself a Brazilian in the dressing room once though.